Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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