she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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