"it" just moved
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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