So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
