My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
