Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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