If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
