I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
