I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
