That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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