I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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