nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
