do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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