hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
