Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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