He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
