My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Randomize
