that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
now i know why i became what i already was.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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