Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
