Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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