another moral hangover. fuck.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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