i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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