Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
