Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
