yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
