my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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