I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
