how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
