I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
