I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
two words...techno handjob
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
