I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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