i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
