dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My legs feel like baby dolphins
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
