Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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