3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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