I wish I could punch you in the face.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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