If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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