so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
