My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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