Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
