actually, I'm a sock model
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
