Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
