butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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