Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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