do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They are going to name an STD after you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
