I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
