is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
