my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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