I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
