You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
