how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
