you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
