Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
don't judge my taste in strippers
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
