discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She bit a glass in half.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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