if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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